Emotional manipulation can be subtle, but it’s a powerful force that can take a heavy toll on your wellbeing.
These manipulators are masters at their craft, often leaving you feeling off-balance without even knowing why. It’s not about you, it’s about them wielding control.
So how can you tell when someone’s pulling your emotional strings? Psychology gives us some clear signs to look out for.
In this piece, we’re going to delve into the 9 telltale signs that you’re dealing with an emotional puppeteer. Read on and arm yourself with the knowledge to spot these masters of manipulation.
1) They’re a master of guilt trips
Emotional manipulators are experts at making you feel guilty, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
You’ll often find yourself feeling on the defensive, apologizing or explaining your actions when it’s not necessary. They have a knack for twisting situations and making you feel like you’re the one in the wrong.
This is a classic sign of emotional manipulation. It’s all about control and getting their own way. By making you feel guilty, they can sway you to act according to their wishes.
Recognizing this tactic is your first step towards regaining control. Remember, it’s okay to say no and stand up for yourself. You don’t need to justify every action or decision to someone else, especially if they’re using guilt as a weapon.
2) They play the victim card
Emotional manipulators have a knack for playing the victim. They’re experts at twisting situations to make themselves appear as the aggrieved party, even when they’re not.
I remember dealing with a colleague who was a master at this. Whenever he was called out for his mistakes, he would turn the tables and somehow make it about how everyone was picking on him. He would paint himself as the innocent victim and, in doing so, deflect attention away from his own shortcomings.
This is a common tactic used by emotional manipulators to escape accountability. It’s important to stay objective in these situations and not let their victim narrative cloud the fact.
3) They’re experts at gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person makes someone question their own perceptions, memories, or sanity, making them dependent on the manipulator. The term comes from a 1944 movie called “Gaslight”, where a man uses this tactic to make his wife doubt her reality.
Emotional manipulators often use gaslighting to gain more power and control. They might deny things that have happened or dismiss your feelings, leaving you feeling confused and unsure about your own judgement.
Recognizing gaslighting can be tricky since it’s often done subtly. But knowing this tactic can help you stay grounded in your own reality and avoid falling into their manipulative trap.
4) They use your words against you
Emotional manipulators have a way of twisting your words and using them against you. They’ll often reinterpret what you’ve said to fit their narrative or to make you doubt yourself.
If you’ve ever had a discussion with someone and found that they’ve warped your words into something you didn’t mean, then you may be dealing with an emotional manipulator. They use this tactic to make you second-guess yourself and to gain the upper hand in the conversation.
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Be wary of this manipulation tactic. Consider taking a step back in these situations and reaffirming what you actually said or meant. Don’t allow them to twist your words and control the narrative.
5) They make you question your worth
Emotional manipulators often undermine your self-worth, making you feel as though you’re never good enough. Whether it’s through constant criticism, belittlement, or comparison with others, they have a way of making you doubt yourself.
These manipulators know that by chipping away at your self-esteem, they can control you more easily. After all, if you don’t value yourself, you’re more likely to accept their manipulation and less likely to stand up for yourself.
6) They isolate you from your support network
One of the most heart-wrenching tactics emotional manipulators use is trying to cut you off from your support network. They might discourage you from spending time with friends or family, or even convince you that these individuals don’t have your best interests at heart.
They do this to ensure that you’re reliant on them for emotional support, making it easier for them to control you. This can be incredibly isolating and emotionally draining.
If you feel like someone is trying to sever your ties with your loved ones, take a step back and evaluate the situation. It’s crucial to maintain your relationships and not let anyone isolate you.
7) They’re hot and cold with their affection
Emotional manipulators often engage in a “push-pull” dynamic, where they show you affection one moment and then withdraw it the next. This can leave you feeling confused, insecure, and constantly seeking their approval.
I’ve been there myself. I had a friend who would be all sweet and kind one moment, only to turn distant and cold the next. It felt like walking on eggshells, not knowing which version of her I’d get that day.
This manipulative tactic can mess with your emotions and keep you off balance. If you notice this hot-and-cold behaviour, it’s important to recognize it for what it is: manipulation. You deserve consistency in your relationships, not an emotional roller coaster.
8) They never take responsibility
Emotional manipulators are masters of deflection. They rarely, if ever, take responsibility for their actions or the consequences that follow. Instead, they find ways to pin the blame on others, even if it’s clearly their mistake.
They might say things like “You made me do it” or “It’s your fault I reacted this way”. This not only absolves them of any responsibility but also makes you feel guilty for their actions.
Recognizing this lack of accountability is a significant step in identifying an emotional manipulator.
9) They use fear to control you
At the core of emotional manipulation is control. And one of the most potent tools a manipulator uses to maintain this control is fear.
They might threaten, intimidate, or create scenarios that put you in a state of fear or anxiety. This fear then keeps you submissive and compliant to their wishes.
Remember, nobody should use fear as a tool to control you. You have the right to feel safe and secure in all your relationships. If someone uses fear to manipulate you, it’s a clear sign that you need to reassess the relationship and take steps to protect yourself.
