Chapter Text
(The episode begins with Certaminis wiping the sweat off his forehead, and sipping from an ice-cool lemonade.)
Certaminis: Whew! All in a day’s work!
(The Iris of Cyan then materializes in front of Certaminis.)
Iris of Cyan: HAVE YOU REPAIRED EVERYTHING, BOSS?
Certaminis: Yep! Take a look!
(The planet [after being completely ruined by the nuclear bomb from the last episode] has been rejoined thanks to Certaminis working with his Reality Gaming PC. The land bustles with greenery, the bodies of water are back to a semi-natural shade of blue, and the hotel has been fully remodeled.)
Iris of Cyan: WOW! EYE AM IMPRESSED BY YOUR RESTORATION EFFORTS!
Certaminis: Why thank you! Everything is pretty much back to the way it was before that nightmare. Now we can get back to normal. And no one will disrupt this competition again!
???: NOT SO FAST!
(A mysterious figure then appears. Their entire appearance is that of an androgynous-feminine figure covered in a silver latex suit.)
Iris of Cyan: …WHO THE F*CK ARE YOU???
???: My name is Triple Question Mark and I use she/they pronouns, but you can call me TQM! I have come for my revenge because you-
Certaminis: Yeah listen, I don’t have time for this. Leave, now.
TQM: But-
Certaminis: But nothing! Listen, I understand you want to be a girl-boss or whatever, but you’re the most pathetic girl-failure I’ve ever seen! Now please leave before I send you to TᕼE ᑕᑌᗷE.
TQM: :(
(Dejected, TQM leaves the scene. They walk very, very, very, very far from the God of Competition.)
Iris of Cyan: …HEY WAIT A SECOND, WHAT EVEN IS TᕼE ᑕᑌᗷE? YOU’VE NEVER TOLD ME OF ITS EXISTENCE BEFORE! EYE WANT TO KNOW!
Certaminis: Eh, you’ll find out later when you’re older.
Intro moment [WILL BE ADDED LATER]
(We then cut to near the elimination area. Certaminis stands in the middle and shouts out like he is talking from a megaphone.)
Certaminis: COOL BLUES! YOU GUYS LOST THE LAST CHALLENGE BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS CORRECTLY!! PLEASE GATHER HERE AND PREPARE FOR A TWENTY PERCENT CHANCE TO BE ELIMINATED!!!
(He is met with silence.)
Iris of Cyan: …EVERYONE IS DEAD, REMEMBER?
Certaminis: Oh yeah, I forgot. Whoopsies!
Iris of Cyan: HOW ARE WE GOING TO BRING THEM BACK???
Certaminis: Don’t worry! The recovery machine I ordered should be arriving right about… now!
(At the same moment, a recovery machine falls out of the sky and lands on the ground. It’s very similar to the “Hand-Powered Recovery Center” from Battle for Dream Island Again, but with a chute rather than a crank.)
Certaminis: Behold, the Blood-Powered Recovery Center (or the BPRC for short)! Just insert blood or flesh, and the machine can restore the dead! An eye for an eye, as they say!
Iris of Cyan: EYE DO NOT LIKE THIS…
Joseph Joestar: Yeah! It’s way too brutalist and loud for my taste! Also the blood part, but the first two are worse!
Certaminis: Oh come on, it’s not that ba-
Certaminis: …
Certaminis: Wait a second.
(Certaminis turns around, very surprised.)
Certaminis: NO WAY! Joseph’s alive?!?
Joseph Joestar: Yeah, of course I am! If I was dead, I wouldn’t be standing here and talking to you, would I?
Iris of Cyan: BUT-BUT HOW DID YOU SURVIVE?!
Joseph Joestar: Oh yeah, it’s very simple! When Mikan stabbed me, the knife didn’t pierce any of my important inside stuff, so I simply pretended to play dead to not get even more hurt! And then once I heard an explosion, I used my incredibly effective Joestar technique to run away! I went into your house and hid in the attic for hours until I heard you call for the elimination!
Certaminis: …Wow. That’s an amazing survival story! Aside from you entering my house with my permission… but you didn’t touch my Reality Gaming PC so I can let this slide this time.
(A short man wearing a blue jumpsuit and a pink cape then appears.)
The Doise (Pizza Tower: The Noise Update)
Recommended by DoltAnonymously
The Doise: Hey guys, it’s me! The Noise! Future host of Crossover Conquest Cubed!
Iris of Cyan: NO, YOU ARE NOT “THE NOISE”. THE NOISE IS YELLOW, NOT BLUE.
Certaminis: Joseph, throw him into the chute!
Joseph Joestar: Okie dokie!
(Jojo picks up the imposter with no effort and shoves him into the Blood-Powered Recovery Center.)
The Doise: WAIT, NO-
(The Doise gets shredded up and screams in extreme pain. The Iris of Cyan seems horrified, whereas Certaminis is completely unfazed.)
Certaminis: There we go! That should provide enough blood for six revives!
Joseph Joestar: Can I recover my team??
Certaminis: Not yet, wait until after the elimination is over.
Joseph Joestar: Damn!
(Joseph kicks a rock so hard that it flies into the sky. Certaminis goes over to the BPRC and types in “Izuru Kamukura”. After a moment, the machine spits out the Ultimate Hope, completely intact with no scars or burns.)
Izuru Kamukura: …Ah. It seems I have returned to this mortal plane… how boring…
Certaminis: Izuru! It looks like the BPRC works just as intended. How do you feel-
Izuru Kamukura: I do not want to talk with you right now. Goodbye.
(Kamukura dusts himself off and promptly leaves the scene. Certaminis is baffled by this apathy.)
Iris of Cyan: EYE THINK THAT WAS VERY RUDE!
Certaminis: I wonder what made him act this way… Oh well! Time to revive the losers!
(Certaminis uses the BPRC to recover Solar, Aubrey, Brian, Ruby, and Osana, in that order.)
Aubrey: What the-
Certaminis: Welcome back to the land of the living!
Osana Najima: Wait… did we all die?!
Solar Flare: Yeah… that damn clown was a nuisance. I had to heat myself to the point of destroying both myself and him…
Brian Griffin: Guess that would leave a sick burn… heh heh, get it? No? Aw.
Certaminis: Well, I have no memory of anything that happened due to being knocked out, but I can most likely confidently say that whoever those weird assholes were, they are never coming back!
(Cut to the basem*nt in Certaminis’s house, aka Gaster’s lab. The Man Who Speaks in Hands is working on his version of a recovery center for his experiments. He then turns to face you - the reader.)
W.D. Gaster: ☹︎☜︎❄︎ 🕆︎💧︎ 😐︎☜︎☜︎🏱︎ ❄︎☟︎✋︎💧︎ ✌︎ 💧︎☜︎👍︎☼︎☜︎❄︎ 👌︎☜︎❄︎🕈︎☜︎☜︎☠︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ ✌︎☠︎👎︎ ✋︎📪︎ 💧︎☟︎✌︎☹︎☹︎ 🕈︎☜︎✍︎
(We then cut back to Certaminis and the Cool Blues.)
Ruby: …Can we just get to the elimination already?
Certaminis: Ah, right! Just give me a moment…
(Certaminis snaps his fingers. He, Izuru, and the members of the Cool Blues teleport back to the elimination area.)
Izuru Kamukura: Of course, I am bound to my suffering. Why must fate be so cruel?
Certaminis: Stop moping around! Anyway, we got votes, much more than last time! Let’s see…
(Certaminis looks at the number of votes - and is shocked by the amount he has gathered.)
Certaminis: TWENTY-FOUR!? That’s seven more than last time AND is above 20! Holy sh*t, we’re in the big leagues now!!!
Brian Griffin: If only it were twenty-five… that would have been funnier.
Aubrey: …Wait, does that mean you’re going to read out forty-eight vote reasons in total?
Certaminis: Pft, nah. I installed a filter where only the most notable vote reasons get put into the green and red boxes, so from now on only the most interesting or funny vote reasons will be read. Moving on, let’s begin the prize votes!
(Izuru slowly hands Certaminis the green box, as the God of Competition opens it and pulls out the votes.)
Certaminis: Osana got only one vote, from my good friend DS!
“f*ckin' Yandev is a piece of dick, but I really like Yandere Sim.
She's probably getting out, tho-”
- DS
Osana Najima: Aw man… w-wait, what the hell’s a “Yan-Dev” and why are they so bad?!
Certaminis: Eh, separate art from the artist, as they say
Osana Najima: …That doesn’t make me feel good…
Certaminis: Next is Ruby, who only got 3 save votes! Let’s see… “YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD BLOCK ME OUT, HUH?” Oh wow, a spooky vote reason?! I’m so scared!!!! NOT! I didn’t even “block you out”, it was Kamukura’s fault!
Izuru Kamukura: Do not blame me for your emotional inequities.
Ruby: I do not feel alright in the situation.
Certaminis: AHEM! The other voting reason is as follows: “cirtamenes pls meik evry1 woch dis ples i gib u lots $$$$$$$$ https://youtu.be/PsFk95Gy_rY” Yeesh, this dude needs a spellchecker really badly! I wonder what the link leads to.
(The Iris of Cyan pops into existence at this location.)
Iris of Cyan: EYE THINK IT IS A RICKROLL AND A STICKBUGGING…
Certaminis: Oh, that’s not so bad!
Iris of Cyan: FOLLOWED BY ANIMAN STUDIOS.
(At these last three words, something snaps within Certaminis. He locks in, having a “bitch way you say” look on his face. At the same time, a character from the aforementioned Animam Studios walks right by the elimination area.)
Nooky Man (Animam Studios)
Recommended by VoidInstructions
Nooky Man: Oh boy, I sure do love living!
(Certaminis then grabs the intruder.)
Nooky Man: …Uh oh, stinky!
(The God of Competition then proceeds to brutally obliterate the “superhero” in such a bloody manner that it would make Animatic from Animatic Battle shiver in fear. He then tosses Nooky Man into the BPRC, the contestants horrified as the sounds of the grinder buzz loudly. Certaminis then turns back to the camera, fire in his eyes.)
Certaminis: 𝔇𝔬𝔫'𝔱 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔡𝔞𝔯𝔢 𝔟𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔲𝔭 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔣𝔦𝔩𝔱𝔥 𝔞𝔤𝔞𝔦𝔫 𝔬𝔯 𝔢𝔩𝔰𝔢 ℑ'𝔩𝔩 𝔱𝔢𝔞𝔠𝔥 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔞 𝔩𝔢𝔰𝔰𝔬𝔫 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔴𝔬𝔫'𝔱 𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔯 𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔤𝔢𝔱. 𝔖𝔱𝔦𝔠𝔨 𝔱𝔬 𝔄𝔪𝔬𝔫𝔤 𝔘𝔰 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔬𝔴𝔫 𝔰𝔞𝔣𝔢𝔱𝔶, 𝔙𝔬𝔦𝔡.
Izuru Kamukura: I have no words. Actually, I have twelve of them, but whatever.
Ruby: I don’t feel safe here… :<
Solar Flare: Don’t we all?
(Certaminis takes a deep breath, and returns to normal.)
Certaminis: Let’s just move on from that and forget it happened. Aubrey gets the third-most amount of votes at six!
Aubrey: I guess that’s cool.
Certaminis: Let’s see… “How about I keep supporting her thank you very much.” I see you’re from the based department! Oh, and there’s also this one:
“OMORI SWEEP!
That's all I have to say about this. I have more to say in the elimination reason...
~FacTorial”
Aubrey: Why is everyone interested in lore voting? I’m not against it, I’m just curious…
Certaminis: Because it’s cool as long as their name isn’t Maverick. MOVING ON! Solar, Brian, you guys tied for the prize vote.
Brian Griffin: Huh… Sweet.
Solar Flare: Oh wow! I guess burning myself up was worth it.
Certaminis: I’ll just flip a coin - heads for the dog, tails for the flower.
(Certaminis takes a coin. On the head side is a creepy smiling rotten face, and on the tail side is a tattered tan toy horse.)
Famine (The Binding of Issac Repentance)
Recommended by White_Tiger
Certaminis: Yeesh! This coin gives me the creeps… Whatever, it’s flipping time!
(Certaminis flips the coin…)
(...)
(...And it lands on tails.)
Certaminis: It looks like Solar Flare wins the prize vote! …And now I throw away this coin because it’s creeping out!
(Solar Flare cutely bats her eyes.)
Solar Flare: Heh heh, I’m just a little flower on fire…
Brian Griffin: Eh, second place isn’t that bad, I suppose.
Certaminis: Let’s see… “Brian might be a dog but he’s the GOAT - ADAGE” Heh, class Mammalia. Oh, and there’s also Maverick here… "He’s funny. COURTNEY SHOULD HAVE SURVIVED OVER HIM THOUGH! COURTNEY WAS ROBBED! ROBBED, I SAY! ROBBER BIG TIME! But yeah, the funny dog is funny.”
Brian Griffin: Yeah, I am really funny. Don’t blame me for Country getting out though, blame the other viewers and the depressed guy.
(Cut to Izuru, who gives Brian a side-eye. The dog does not see it.)
Certaminis: As for Solar Flare… “so… first time voting, I’ll try to keep it simple. she kicked ASS, dude. plus, a little something I’m planning on doing somewhere else. a little find the chomiks track that fits Solar Flare to me is track 103, Ethereal Skies, which I’ll just link right here if you wanna take a look or anything. https://youtu.be/REtrXToyFPQ?si=Cr8nxd2GvuQFXOTA -SRChom” Ooh, I love music! What else… “Solar Flare is the coolest fockin thing in existence mah man! Anyone who doesn't think so is a ******** *****
Shes SO adorable and badass!”
(An audible censor noise is played at the ******** ***** part.)
Izuru Kamukura: …What.
Certaminis: I’m just going to ignore that and move on. “SOLAR FLARE, YOU ROCKED IT OUT WHEN YOU KILLED THE JESTER!” “Only one who actually lasted long enough in the fight without dying instantly.”
Solar Flare: Damn, I would be happy that I earned the prize. If only it wasn’t this way…
Osana Najima: You kind of deserve it, I guess?
Brian Griffin: As the other person said, you were the only member of our team not to die instantly.
Solar Flare: Huh. Anyways, what’s my prize?
Certaminis: You get a big-ass boat!
Solar Flare: Yay! …Wait, what?
(The aforementioned big-ass boat falls nearby the elimination area, blowing its foghorn loudly.)
Solar Flare: …Oh for the love of George Fan-
Certaminis: Now it’s time for the elimination votes! Solar Flare has immunity from winning the prize vote, but she would have been safe anyway with only one vote. Also, Aubrey didn’t get any votes!
Aubrey: Phew, that’s a relief. No votes from over 20 people? Honestly, it’s a surprise, but a welcomed one.
(Spotlights rain down their light on Brian, Osana, and Ruby.)
Osana Najima: Wha- seriously??
Brian Griffin: Can’t say I didn’t see that coming.
Ruby: …
Certaminis: Osana is (somewhat surprisingly) safe with six votes!
Osana Najima: Really?? P-phew… I mean, it’s not like I’m glad I only got a quarter of the votes…
Certaminis: Let’s read these out! “I just… don’t really like them much, plane” IT’S PLAIN! “and simple. Of course, as I did with a prize vote, a FTC OST that fits here, it’s tricky, but I went for A New Day, AKA Track 078. Link here if you’d like to take a look: https://youtu.be/4n-Q3w3_TqM?si=gH58FYah4tCX7iyL
-SRChom” Oh boy, more music!
Osana Najima: I… I guess that’s a valid reason… not…
Certaminis: Let’s also see…
“alright guys! I'm the new sus detector (as I've been for months by now), and I'll do this quick so y'all won't dwell on this too much.
Audrey: she led her team and fellow contestants in battle, and was valuable in terms of strategising. not sus
Osana: while she was a victim as was any other, she wasn't able to help much in the fight against the invaders. this is not to say that this is a bad thing, but when it comes to life-or-death situations like this, you should be able to help yourself and others in battle, and you'd be better off if you left if you're not able to help lest you succumb to their control. as such, kinda sus.
Solar Flare: she was the one to ultimately sacrifice herself in order to destroy the Jester, and it was her efforts in coordination that ultimately paid off; not sus
Ruby: she never actually played a part against the creatures, in effect becoming the damsel in distress. this is not to say that this is a bad thing, but as with Osana, kinda sus
Brian: he perhaps inspired the whole hunt for Certaminis but did not do much else of note in fighting, so as above, kinda sus.
I would suppose that I vote for one of the above people. quite frankly I don't really want to, to give y'all a chance to heal from the trauma, but oh well...
I just hope, perhaps, that Certaminis implements some better means of protection against intruders. might it help, perhaps, if I were to say... I dunno, these people work for Hopper?
- NullCommands (they/them)”
Certaminis: …
(Certaminis does the thinking pose, while Izuru watches him with disgust.)
Izuru Kamukura: Please do not jump to any bad conclusions.
Certaminis: I’ve connected the dots!
Izuru Kamukura: You didn’t connect sh*t.
Osana Najima: Can I just have my immunity prize now-
Certaminis: The immunity prize is one (1) ticket to Six Flags!
(Certaminis gives tickets to Osana, Solar Flare, Aubrey, and Joseph.)
Joseph Joestar: Why the hell would I want to visit six boring flags??
Certaminis: No see, it’s an amusem*nt park.
Joseph Joestar: …How amusing exactly?
Certaminis: The roller coasters are made of steel, there are toy balls, and getting around involves running.
Joseph Joestar: …IS THAT A JOJO REFERENCE??!?!?!?
Izuru Kamukura: Please shut the f*ck up
(The spotlights concentrate on Brian and Ruby.)
Izuru Kamukura: Do you two have anything to say?
Brian Griffin: Well, I have one thing to say to the critics. *pulls out a middle finger with Bad To the Bone riff* What do you think of that, eh? Eh?
Ruby: I think it’s for the better if I go home…
Certaminis: Enough dawdling around, or whatever that word means! Let’s show the votes!
(Drumrolllio….)
(Drumrolllio pollio….)
(Drumrolllio pollio drollio….)
(...)
BRIAN GRIFFIN - 7
RUBY - 10
Certaminis: And with exactly TEN votes, Ruby is out! What a very nice number to be eliminated!
Brian Griffin: The greatest victory is that which requires no battle.
Ruby: … :(
Certaminis: Now let’s read the votes, starting with Brian’s. “I WILL REACH MY FAME. AND YOU WILL REGRET EVERYTHING.” Again, not scary, try harder. “bro jinxed everything” Hah! I don’t even know the context but it must be really funny.
Aubrey: I can assure you, it was far from funny.
Brian Griffin: Whoopsie daisies… hah…
(Certaminis looks at another reason, and immediately sets it on fire.)
Osana Najima: What was that?
Certaminis: It was something really racist… ignore that.
Solar Flare: But what did it say-
Certaminis: IGNORE THAT.
(A certain racist Clodsire user then blows up. If you know, you know.)
Certaminis: Finally for Brian. We have more lorevoting:
“Peter Griffin was a character in Fortnite. You were not. Also I kinda like everyone else more. Sorry man.
All jokes, aside... wow. This is... worse than I thought it could be. Given the Archives' narrative tangentiality, it might affect me the least... I hope.
I'm going to go now. Set up more Contrivances. It's not like I have more issues on my end too or anything. Hah! Imagine that!
...
Monoch's not going to happy hearing about this one...
~FacTorial”
Brian Griffin: Archives? Contrivances? Monarch? Back in my day, the most mysterious thing we had to deal with was some kid wearing some shades in a turtleneck!
Osana Najima: Are you a boomer now?!
Brian Griffin: No, see, it’s called meta humor. You should try it someday, it’ll make you funnier.
Izuru Kamukura: Meta… humor? Does that have something to do with…
Certaminis: And now for Ruby’s elimination vote reasons! “Sorry, I didn’t really know who else to vote. - DS” “Imagine being defenceless lol - ADAGE” “…I guess I like everyone else more. Sorry Ruby.”
Ruby: I feel bad for not doing anything…
Solar Flare: I mean, to be fair, you, uh…. Um… well, you did… er…
Certaminis: The last one is from Maverick, because of course.
“Honestly, I don’t really care about you. That’s it. You’re simply just uninteresting. You know what is interesting though? I caused a chain reaction to destroy Hopper and Crossover Conquest! I blew up his Mansion, which caused him to blame me, which caused him to lose Monika, which eventually lead to him spiraling in despair! MAVERICK SWEEP! Oh, and if Mikan is here, she should know that her beloved Junko is in my show! You know, maybe I’ll send her to you guys, so she can cause even more sweet despair and angst! Maverick, out!”
(Certaminis hands Izuru the vote reason.)
Izuru Kamukura: Why did you hand me this?
Certaminis: Please put this reason next to my Reality Computer in my house! I need to-
Izuru Kamukura: I refuse. I am not going to follow your orders anymore.
Certaminis: But-
Izuru Kamukura: Goodbye and burn in hell.
(Izuru marches off as everyone watches him.)
Joseph Joestar: Wow! That was so cringe of him!
Certaminis: Damn… well, the show must go on! Any last words, Ruby?
Ruby: …Just take me home already.
Osana Najima: Bye Ruby!! Have fun doing whatever you were doing before you came here!
Aubrey: Hopefully you can forget your time here.
(Certaminis snaps his fingers, and Ruby walks through it.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(As Ruby exits from the other side of the portal, she finds herself in a gloomy forest.)
Ruby: Well, at least I’m back home… or at least close to it…
(She then spots a poster nailed onto a nearby tree - with her face on it)
Ruby: What in the world?
(Ruby goes up to the poster. Upon examination, it’s a missing person poster, listing her having gone missing for a couple of weeks.)
Ruby: …
Ruby: How long… was I gone for?
Ruby: …I need to find CJ as soon as possible.
CONTESTANT NAME: Ruby
HUMAN?: Yes
GENDER: Female
UNIVERSE: Friday Night Funkin’: Starlight Mayhem
TEAMS: Sigma Chads and Cool Blues
PLACEMENT: 20/25
Certaminis: Whelp, glad that’s done!
Joseph Joestar: NOW can I revive my teammates???
Certaminis: Of course! The Animam guy supplied enough blood that you can revive everyone!
Joseph Joestar: f*ck yeah! I’ll bring Jirou back!
*ding!*
Kyoka Jirou: I guess I’ll bring Stan back…
*ding!*
Stanley Pines: I GOTTA get Mikan back!!
*ding!*
Mikan Tsumiki: The Principal deserves an a-apology…
*ding!*
Principal of the THing: Everyone deserves the right to revivement in the halls.
*ding!*
Wildberry Cookie: …Sans.
*ding!*
Sans: i’ll bring back merg. my man.
*ding!*
Merg: Jessie’s the team leader… she’s-she’s worth 50k, right?
*ding!*
Jessie: I owe Kinger a favor for not getting us up for elimination!
*ding!*
Kinger: …Well then, that certainly was a traumatizing experience.
*ding!*
Liam Plekak: Oh god… Roosevelt!!!
*ding!*
Theodore Roosevelt: I must say, Test Tube seemed like quite an intelligent lady!
*ding!*
Test Tube: It probably won’t matter who I bring back since everyone is coming back, but…
*ding!*
Lunala: Oh-em-gee, that lightning strike was, like, so painful! Let me bring my buddy back!
*ding!*
SCP-999: I WONDER WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I RANDOMLY PRESS KEYS… 🤔
(The Tickle Monster does exactly that, resulting in some sort of smiling emoji appearing.)
Smileghost (Niko’s Nextbots)
Suggested by purple from among us
Smileghost: *really loud and creepy laughter*
(Certaminis pulls out a shotgun and blasts the nextbot to bits.)
Certaminis: Don’t EVER do that again!
SCP-999: SOWWY… 😢
Certaminis: Whatever, it’s fine. You’re forgiven. Regardless, let’s revive the other people!
(Certaminis then revives Marina, Colette, the Eye of Cyan and Chef Boyardee.)
Marina: Wow, so that’s what dying is like! Feel horrible.
Collette: *gasp* OH MY GOD I HAVE LOTS OF NEW ANGST MATERIAL FOR MY FANFICS!!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH-
Eye of Cyan: EYE do not regret my sacrifice of joy.
Chef Boyardee: *crying tears of joy* I-a live!!
Certaminis: Alright, that’s everyone revived! Thankfully no one suffered from severe trauma!
Kyoka Jirou: That cannot be further from the truth.
Certaminis: …Whatever we can suffer internally later. Right now is challenge time! Now all I need is a new co-host…
???: I got you fam.
(Certaminis looks downwards to see the source of the voice. There is a sentient purple vine with a built-in blackberry cannon.)
Certaminis: I’m sorry, but who are you and how the f*ck did you get here?
Blastberry Vine: I am Blastberry Vine, and I have always been here since the beginning!
(A flashback shows us that-)
Certaminis: STOP! I don’t want to have another Profily situation!
Blastberry Vine: I can leave if you want me to.
(Certaminis takes a deep breath in, then exhales.)
Certaminis: Eh, you know what? You can be the temporary co-host until we find someone better.
Kyoka Jirou: That’s not even fair-
Kinger: Oh, “Blast-berry” as in blackberry and blast. I get it. Haha. HahahAAAA-
(Certaminis snaps his fingers, teleporting himself, Blastberry Vine, and the contestants to a beautiful lake.)
Certaminis: Today’s challenge is to catch 100 things from the lake! I don’t care if it’s fish or garbage or anything else, just know that your teammates or other contestants don’t count towards your score! The last team to reach this mark will be up for elimination!
Lunala: Pft, that number is way too easy.
Blastberry Vine: Well then, we should raise it to 200!
Lunala: … Never mind, I’ll shut up my big mouth.
Certaminis: Tree… too… won… gogogoGO!
(All the teams get in their boats. The Cool Blues go onto the big-ass fancy boat which Solar Flare won, whereas the other teams get on shabby wooden ships. All boats are equipped with fishing rods and fishing nets.)
Solar Flare: Alright, we just need to catch things!
Aubrey: Should be easy. We just need to-
(Aubery grabs a fishing rod and tries to cast it into the water… but fails with each attempt. On her third try, the hook slaps Brian in the face.)
Brian Griffin: Ow! Jeez, that’s very amateur of you.
Osana Najima: Maybe you should improve your aim… or even try to concentrate properly!
Aubrey: Damn rod… *AUBREY is now ANGRY!*
(Cut to the three other teams. They are all close to each other, around the middle of the lake. Pan to the Red Ravangers.)
Kyoka Jirou: So what you’re saying is that you… faked your death… and made me upset for no reason???
Joseph Joestar: Listen, using the Joestar secret technique is completely justified when facing certain death and-slash-or extremely painful injuries!
(Jirou proceeds to stab Joseph in the eye.)
Joseph Joestar: OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR??
Kyoka Jirou: *blushing heavily* Don’t make me so worried ever again… dumbass…
Principal of the Thing: No PDA (public display of affection) in the halls!
Stanley Pines: As much as I hate to agree with Mr. By The Book… we do need to get to this challenge! Let’s go fishing!!
Mikan Tsumiki: W-we should use the fishing nets to c-catch as much stuff as possible-
(Joseph then suddenly jumps into the water, and seemingly starts trying to grab some wild fish.)
Joseph Joestar: Come - here - you - slippery - bastards!
Principal of the Thing: No- aw, forget it. He’s not going to listen.
Kyoka Jirou: *facepalming while blushing even heavier* Idiot…
(Meanwhile, with the Mellow Yellows…)
Jessie: Keep fishing, everyone! We’re making good progress!
(Sans and Merg are working together to catch stuff, with the former using his gravity attack to lift the fish out of the water and the latter quickly piercing the fish using his True Knife.)
Sans: despite the weird circ*mstances we are currently in, we are certainly not fish out of water. *ba-dum-tss*
Merg: >[Check]
*[Epic Fish - ATK 0 DEF 2]
*[Incompetent at properly running their Discord roleplay servers.]
Jessie: Yes, keep up the good work you two! Now then, time to check on the others-
(Jessie turns around and sees Kinger trying to put on a life ring onto Wildberry, who is struggling against this action.)
Jessie: *in a Robbie-Rotten-esque voice* What are you doing??
Kinger: I’m trying to use the candy man as bait to attract fish.
Wildberry Cookie: Let me go, you half-witted chess piece! I will become soggy if you dip me into that poisonous water!
Jessie: …You know what? For the sake of my sanity, I’m just not going to get involved.
(Finally, we pan over to the Green Gang. They seem to be taking a more passive approach, as they simply have cast their fishing rods and are waiting for anything to bite.)
Theodore Roosevelt: Ah, nothing quite like fishing! A nice peaceful challenge after that mess…
(Liam remains silent, staring deep into the water. All of his trauma - from his time on ONE to the events of the last episode - is not having the best impact on his mental state.)
Lunala: So, like, how many eliminations until the merge? Cuz, like, that’s gonna be important or something.
Test Tube: I hypothesize that once there are only twelve of us, the teams will be dissolved and we will be forced to fend for ourselves!
SCP-999: I HOPE WE ALL MAKE IT TO THAT POINT! 😃
(The Tickle Monster then proceeds to fall off the boat… and then gets swallowed by a shark.)
Liam Plekak: …TOMATO, NO!
(Liam then leaps into the water and proceeds to punch the shark. The punch itself is weak, but the shark somehow gets knocked out. Then it spits out the Tickle Monster.)
SCP-999: THANK YOU LIAM! THAT PLACE WAS REALLY DARK AND SCARY! 😱
Lunala: Wow, nice catch dude!
Theodore Roosevelt: …Wait, who is this “Tomato” fellow you speak of? Is he an Italian?
Liam Plekak: …I don’t want to talk about it.
Test Tube: Jeez, looks like that opened some old wounds….
(Pan out slowly, showing a full view of the lake and all the boats. One can briefly see some sort of shadow under the water if you look closely.)
(Back at Certaminis’s house, Izuru is seen rummaging through the living room.)
Izuru Kamukura: Now that I am no longer “working” for Certaminis, I might as well try and find a way home and forget about all of these ordeals…
(Izuru then spots Certaminis’s TV, with a painting on the wall above it - it’s the Certaminis vs. Hopper painting that ANAN made in the second challenge. It is also slightly crooked.)
Izuru Kamukura: For a “God”, he seems uninterested in being presentable… whatever, at least he is not an obsessive perfectionist. I think I will steal this painting, as it will surely make him madder than he usually is.
(Kamukura takes off the painting, only for a safe in the wall to be behind. It is inscribed with the following text: “CERTAMINIS’S SUPER SECRET SAFE WITH SUPER SECRET INFORMATION [DO NOT OPEN PLEASE THIS IS SUPER SECRET]”.)
???: I see you’ve discovered that safe, ahaha~✰
Izuru Kamukura: What in the-
(Kamukura turns around and sees a stranger behind him. It appears to be a tall slender man dressed in a gentleman’s tuxedo, with a black bowtie near the neck and a bright red rose on the left side of their chest. The stranger is wearing a mask that looks like this, but the right side has the colors inverted. Blond frizzy hair sprouts out from behind his mask, and he is wearing a gray fedora and loafers.)
Izuru Kamukura: …I apologize if I come off as rude, but who may you be exactly?
???: Ah, of course, it would be rude for a gentleman to not introduce himself! I am Agent D, and it is a pleasure to meet such an equally well-dressed individual like you~✰
Izuru Kamukura: I am mildly flattered, but… “agent”? Are you associated with that “MCCM” organization?
Agent D: Ah… those people, yes. While I am technically “employed” under their name, I prefer to take my unique approach to resolving issues rather than their violent and uncivilized ways… they claim to hate chaos, yet entropy is one of the fundamental concepts of existence, wouldn’t you agree?~✰
Izuru Kamukura: I suppose so… but why are you here exactly?
Agent D: I’ve been investigating a certain… “Final Champion”. Considering the strange readings that I have gotten from this possibly man-made universe, I need to find the individual and stop the multiverse from collapsing…~✰
Izuru Kamukrua: Good for you, but I don’t really care. I just want to go home-
Agent D: Ah, but I propose to you an alternative! I see you “work” for your employer, and I believe we can help each other - ahaha~✰
Izuru Kamukura: And how exactly would that work?
Agent D: All you have to do is act as a sort of mole, gathering information for me while doing your co-host duties. Once that “Final Champion” is cornered and captured, I’ll wipe the memories of everyone here and return everyone to their home dimensions… sounds fair, no?~✰
(Izuru thinks for a moment. Despite the silence, he has already made up his mind.)
Izuru Kamukura: Alright, fine. That sounds beneficial for both of us.
(Izuru shakes the phantom thief agent’s hand.)
Agent D: Pleasure to be working with you… ahaha~✰
(Agent D clips a blue rose onto Izuru’s tie, then jumps out of the window for a dramatic exit, leaving the Ultimate Hope alone.)
Izuru Kamukura: Well, I’ve got my work cut out. But first, let’s just put this painting back where it was…
(Meanwhile, the fishing contest is still going. Certaminins is waiting impatiently for the contestants to finish up, while Blastberry is just chilling.)
Certaminis: Well great, now it’s getting boring!
Blastberry Vine: Don’t worry, I can provide entertainment by singing “We Didn’t Write the Fanfic”!
Certaminis: Really? I want to hear.
Blastberry Vine: *to the tune of We Didn’t Start the Fire* Host Her Hopper Jason Security Man Monika Jerry BFDI Rocky Mia Eli Iel Bite Rhombulous StellarBat Maverick DS Computer Everybody Certaminis Izuru Blastberry Sky Ringmaster Grog Shade Lumina Dusk Shavis Frost Forged Gamemaster Guy Blanko Cat God MODEL Sayori ??? Koe Hozd Millie Volt Doctor Mr. Orc Funny Meme Man Terminal Purple Unfezant Windex The Static Serene ADAGE Sketchpad -
<=FUNNY MONTAGE TIME: FEATURING RECOMMENDED CHARACTERS!=>
Aubrey: Ok, now I think I got it-
(Aubrey casts her fishing rod into the water. When she pulls it out, a short sleazy salesman is attached to the end.)
Spamton G. Spamton (Deltarune)
Recommended by Mango65
Spamton: HEY EVERY ! IT’S ME, EVERYBODY’S FAVORITE [[Number 1 Rated Salesman circa 1997]]
SPAMTON
G
SPAMTON
Osana Najima: Ew, it’s so gross! It looks like an abandoned wooden puppet a person would find in a trash can after a circus!
Spamton: WELL I THINK YOU SHOULD [[Ctrl-Alt-Del]] YOURSELF, MISS [[It’s not that I like you!]]!!
(Spamton then takes all of the Cool Blue’s fishing rods and starts chewing them up with his teeth.)
Brian Griffin: Dude, what the f*ck is wrong with you?
Spamton: [[Family Guy Funny Moments!!]
(Solar Flare then sets the salesman on fire.)
Solar Flare: This should teach you a lesson, you Ice Miser ripoff!
Spamton: NOW I'M THE [[It Burns! Ow! Stop! Help Me! It Burns!]] GUY! [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P4A1K4lXDo]]
---
(SCP-999 is swimming in the water when some giant reptile-like creature rises out of the lake next to them.)
SCP-682 (The SCP Foundation)
Recommended by Mary
SCP-999: OH, HELLO THERE FRIEND! I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN A WHILE! 🤗
SCP-682: *growling noises*
(Before the lizard can do anything bad, Roosevelt grabs it and holds it in a bear hug using his Presidential strength.)
Theodore Roosevelt: One like and I’ll break its neck!
SCP-682: *angry dog barking noises*
Lunala: You should do it - not only because it deserves to suffer but also because it would be really funny to see what would happen!
(Theodore snaps the creature’s neck. Due to its healing powers, SCP-628 automatically fixes its neck. However, Roosevelt re-snaps its neck, beginning a cycle where SCP-682’s neck is constantly snapped. Some of SCP-682’s loose scales fall onto Liam during this process.)
Test Tube: How fascinating!
Liam Plekak: I don’t get it.
Test Tube: You see, the create has some sort of regeneration and high capacity to heal - however, Roosevelt keeps breaking its neck regardless, resulting in it suffering in indefinite pain!
Liam Plekak: …I still don’t get it.
SCP-682: *high pain noises*
---
Joseph Joestar: Man, I’m bored!
Kyoka Jirou: You’re on a boat and you’re fishing, of course you’re going to be bored.
Joseph Joestar: Whatever! Let’s see what’s happening elsewhere!
(Joseph cups his hands and looks through them like binoculars. On the shore, he spots a sentient large container filled with large potato sticks, who is talking to a black-and-purple woman wearing royal attire.)
Fries (Battle For Dream Island)
Recommended by sadboiflower
Rin Penrose (Idol Corp)
Recommended by FacTorial
Fries: Get digging! An IKEA is probably underground!
Rin Penrose: Whatever you say! ( ੭•͈ω•͈)੭
(Rin grabs a shovel and starts digging downwards, while Fries watches.)
Joseph Joestar: Why couldn’t we have DIGGING as a challenge??
Kyoka Jirou: That would be even more boring, but that’s just my opinion…
Principal of the Thing: No digging straight down in the ha-
(Joseph glares menacingly at the Principal.)
Principal of the Thing: …Fine, I’ll keep quiet.
(On the other side of the Red Ravanger’s boat, Stan is doing one of his signature schemes by putting sugar in the water, while Mikan watches.)
Mikan Tsumiki: Are you sure this is legal??
Stanley Pines: Relax, kid, everyone loves sugar! Even fish whose home is several tons of dihydrogen monoxide! They’ll get attracted into these fishing nets, and it’ll be like taking candy from a baby! Or giving candy - whatever, same thing!
Mikan Tsumiki: W-well, I trust you… hopefully, nothing bad happens right now-
???: I CONCER!
(Mikan turns around and goes pale, as she sees Junko MOTHERf*ckING Enoshima posing behind her. Since Stan is still putting sugar in the water and the other three boat members are focused on the shore, only Mikan can see Junko.)
Junko Enoshima: Well, well, well, if it isn’t Mikan Tsumiki! Looks like you’ve been living a despair-less life… BORING!
(Mikan is silent in fear.)
Junko Enoshima: Aw, what’s wrong? Cat got your tongue? Can’t handle the sight of your magnificent, despair-inducing beloved?~ I think it’s time that you-
(Just then, a coincidental gust of wind blows sugar out of Stan’s hand and into Junko’s eyes, temporarily blinding her.)
Junko Enoshima: ACK! What the-
Stanley Pines: Hey, what’s going on?
(He turns around and sees the Ultimate Despair.)
Junko Enoshima: You’ll pay for this… with DESPAIR!!
Mikan Tsumiki: P-p-please don't hurt me!!!
(Stan then locks in.)
Stanley Pines: Mikan, I think we’re going to have to electric chair this woman.
Mikan Tsumiki: Wh-what??
(Stanley pulls out a golf club and wacks Junko directly in the face, sending her flying away.)
Stanley Pines: Begone, bitch!
Junko Enoshima: Boo-hoo, you’re no fun…
(Junko then clips out of bounds and then teleports elsewhere to SEXMASEXSSEMAXEMASEMAXSEMXASSES. Yes, that is the real name, I am not capping.)
Stanley Pines: Well, I’m glad she’s gone! I wonder what her deal was …
(Stan turns to face Tsumiki, who is still silent in shock and now slightly crying.)
Stanley Pines: Did you know that girl, by any chance?
Mikan Tsumiki: Umm… I don’t want to talk about it…
Stanley Pines: …You sure, kid?
(Mikan nods her head in silence. Stan gets close to her and puts his arm over his shoulder.)
Stanley Pines: Just want to let you know something, kid - our past does not entirely define us. It is through our actions in the present that we shape who we become in the future.
Mikan Tsumiki: …R-really?
Stanley Pines: Yep. Trust yourself, you are stronger than you think you are.
(Mikan stays silent for a moment before she wipes the tears off her face… and then starts crying tears of joy. She then embraces Stan in a big hug.)
Mikan Tsumiki: T-thank you, g-grunkle…
(Stanley simply hugs her back with a big smile.)
(...)
(Meanwhile… Joseph is fighting a shark.)
Joseph Joestar: I’m going to turn you into fin soup with my Hamon! こんにちは！
Kyoka Jirou: No you idiot, you’re supposed to catch it!
Principal of the Thing: You are fighting a species of shark that is critically endangered. Don’t kill it in the halls. Don’t you dare. Just don’t.
---
Jessie, Sans, Merg, and Kinger: 🎵 SIXTY-NINE BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL, SIXTY-NINE BOTTLES OF BEER! TAKE ONE DOWN, SPIN IT AROUND, SIXTY-EIGHT BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL! 🎵
Wildberry Cookie: This song is so idiotic… and yet strangely catchy… eurgh…
(Wildberry Cookie carefully throws a fishing net into the ocean, being careful not to get water on his hands. When he pulls it out, a sphere-shaped man is inside.)
Doctor Eggman (SnapCube Real-Time Fandub)
Recommended by Mango65
Doctor Eggman: I miss my wife, Tails. I miss her very much.
Wildberry Cookie: …I’m sorry, what?
Doctor Eggman: SONIC THE HEDGEHOG PISSED ON MY f*ckING WIFE!!!
(A bewildered and befuddled Wildberry turns towards his teammates.)
Wildberry Cookie: Genuine question, but where do these random strangers even come from??
Sans: i dunno, they just appear and then they… don’t.
Merg: Maybe they-they come from some sort of Rift! Like Fort-Night, y’know?
Jessie: That sounds absolutely ridiculous-
(Just then, some sort of inter-dimensional rift opens, spitting out a green stick figure wearing a hat and a destroyed giant dog toy onto the Mellow Yellow’s boat.)
Lord Tourettes (Dick Figures)
Recommended by Dollar Store
DogDay (Poppy Playtime)
Recommended by SystemGlitch405
Lord Tourettes: Greetings, my fine ASS PISS BALLS!
DogDay: …Kill me.
Kinger: Uh… I don’t think I can do that right now…
Sans: watch your mouth, and wash your mouth. *ba-dum-tss*
Lord Tourettes: Now what in the BITCHING sh*t do you f*ckING mean?
(Sans summons a bar of soap… and then proceeds to shove it down Lord’s Tourettes’ throat, with mild struggle.)
Merg: Err… *looks at DogDay* You-you okay there, buddy?
DogDay: No, I am in constant pain and every day I continue to live is another twenty-four hours of endless agony which pushes me closer to the edge.
Jessie: That’s rough… wait, no, we’re getting distracted by this recent revelation! We need to focus on the challenge!
(Pan over to Kinger, who has somehow pulled a bathroom sign man out of the water.)
Agent Hasard (Animator vs. Animation)
Recommended by Eight
Kinger: Oh no, it’s the danger man!!
(Agent Hasard then breaks it down, because he’s 𝓇𝒶𝒹𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓁.)
---
Blastberry Vine: So… what’s yo power level?
Certaminis: Oh, that’s easy! I easily get to Multiverse level!
(Smash cut to a vase with a paper reading “multiverse” on it. Certaminis then comes in with a sledgehammer and smashes the vase to bits.)
Blastberry Vine: …Sounds fair enough.
(Izuru then walks up to the two, bored as ever.)
Certaminis: Ah, Izuru! I thought you left.
Izuru Kamukura: I changed my mind, sir.
Certaminis: Well, that’s good to hear. I’m glad you made the right choice. And you also have a pretty blue flower on you, wow!
(Certaminis pats Izuru on the back, as the Ultimate Hope secretly cracks a small smile.)
Blastberry Vine: Hey, what about me???
Certaminis: Oh yeah, uh… sorry, you can’t be the co-host anymore, apologies for that…
Blastberry Vine: Can I at least be the co-co-host?
Izuru Kamukura: I don’t even think that role exists.
Blastberry Vine: …Yeah ok, screw you guys. I’m going somewhere ELSE!
(Blastberry trudges off until he reaches the edge of the lake, where he jumps in the water and starts floating away. Certaminis and Izuru watch him for a moment before they turn back towards each other.)
Izuru Kamukura: So, how is the challenge coming along?
Certaminis: Oh yeah, it’s coming along nicely! Let me just check…
(Certaminis checks a digital counter he has installed on his phone.)
Certaminis: Oh wow, all teams have collected exactly 199 items!!
Izuru Kamukura: What a contrived coincidence…
Certaminis: ALL TEAMS ONLY NEED ONE (1) ITEM TO BE SAFE! THE LAST TEAM TO GET A CATCH IS ROTTEN EGGS… AND THEY’RE ALSO UP FOR ELIMINATION BUT THE FIRST PART IS MORE IMPORTANT!
Joseph Joestar: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-
(Joseph hops into the water and desperately tries to find something.)
Kyoka Jirou: With all the fishing, there’s probably nothing left in the water at this point…
(The rock that Joseph kicked from earlier comes zooming down at the Red Ravanger’s boat, lightly hitting Mikan in the back of the head.)
Mikan Tsumiki: EEP!
Stanley Pines: Was that a bullet??... Oh no… THE ALIENS ARE COMING! PREPARE YOURSELVES, EVERYONE!
(While chaos erupts on the boat, Principal peacefully fishes with a rod.)
Principal of the Thing: Ah, this is an immaculate experience. Of course, I still have my duties in the halls, but it is always nice to take a break.
(He then pulls up a tin can, with some sort of humanoid sketchpad man inside.)
Clive Handforth (Little Big Planet)
Recommended by StellarBat
Clive Handforth: Oh, hello there. Could you please not remove me from my home? It’s all I have left…
Principal of the Thing: Don’t worry. I’m a principal, not a landlord.
Clive Handforth: Thank you…
Certaminis: The Red Ravangers are safe!
Principal of the Thing: Ah… no elimination in the halls. How comforting.
(Principal goes back to fishing, while Jirou, Stan, and Mikan try to get Joseph out of the water. It’s not working.)
Kyoka Jirou: Please stop, now.
Joseph Joestar: 捕まえてやるよ！！
(Meanwhile, the Cool Blues are scrambling.)
Aubrey: That creepy puppet man destroyed all our fishing rods! Now how we are supposed to catch our last item?
Brian Griffin: Hey, here’s a genius idea… how about we… use our hands?
Osana Najima: I can tell you’re joking, but I still don’t like it!
(Solar Flare then grabs one of the fishing nets.)
Solar Flare: What if we tried to use one of these?
Aubrey: I don’t even think any of us know how to use it… but the other teams did it and they were successful, so I guess you can try it.
(Solar Flare tosses the net into the water, and then retracts it after a moment. Inside the net are some very strange figures.)
Gustave “Doc” Kateb (Rainbow Six Siege)
Recommended by June Lee
Jack Wallside (Inazuma Eleven)
Recommended by Ben Dover [not funny.]
Paul Leskowitz (Petscop)
Recommended by SRChom
Osana Najima: Hey, who the hell are these people, and how did they get into the net?!?
Brian Griffin: You know, I think it’s strange that they refuse to talk. Perhaps the author doesn’t know how to write them?... Nah, they're probably just shy.
Certaminis: Wow! The Cool Blues are safe! Now the Green Gang and the Yellow Mellows shall fight each other, with the loser receiving an elimination!
---
Theodore Roosevelt: I must say, the water is quite rocky today…
Test Tube: Maybe it’s because we’re in a fishing competition… with three other teams??
Theodore Roosevelt: Ah, yes, I forgot about that for a moment.
(SCP-999, who is still floating in the water aimlessly, bumps into Blastberry, who naturally floated here.)
SCP-999: OH! HELLO, NEW-ISH FRIEND! 🫂
Blastberry Vine: Wassup.
SCP-999: NOT MUCH, IT’S GOOD TO MEET SUCH A NUTRITIOUS VINE LIKE YOU! 🍇
Lunala: Oh, it’s you… can you, like, help us in any way, shape, or form?
Blastberry Vine: Not really, but I can do my iconic catchphrase© for only five dollars! I take Venmo.
Lunala: …You got me there.
(Lunala hands Blastberry about 8000 poke-dollars.)
Test Tube: Oh! Can you please sabotage the Mellow Yellows, Mr. Vine?
Liam Plekak: …Wait, what?
Blastberry Vine: Whatever you say. IT’S BLASTIN’ TIME!
(Blastberry consumes a Plant Food, and then shoots several berries at the Mellow Yellow’s boat.)
Kinger: Hey guys, do you feel something bad is going to happen?
Merg: Don’t say that, man, we’re trying to fish!
(The berries split into multiple bloblets, which hit and damage the boat. One of the bloblets critically hits Jessie, which causes her to be sent flying away.)
Jessie: I’M BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!!
[A/N: My good friend DS wrote this joke, kudos to him.]
(Wildberry falls into the water, and starts dissolving.)
Wildberry Cookie: *EXTREMELY LOUD SCREAMS OF AGONY*
Sans: oh, so that’s how we’re going to play, huh? well then… burn in hell.
(Sans uses his gravitational attack to lift all his teammates out of the water. He then fires a Gaster Blaster and obliterates Green Gang’s boat. Everyone on that boat falls into the water, but Liam sinks under due to being weighed down by SCP-682’s loose scales.)
Theodore Roosevelt: LIAM!
(As Liamm sinks down and down, he is surrounded by an ever-growing darkness… until he sees a strange golden light. Also, he can breathe…?)
Liam Plekak: What the hell?
(As the light grows stronger, Liam sees a familiar face… but not a friendly one.)
Liam Plekak: …Oh. Oh no no no no no no-
???: Hello again, Backpack.
Airy (HFJ!ONE)
Recommended by Unknown
Liam Plekak: You… you’re supposed to be dead! I-I killed you!!!
Airy: I will never die, Backpack. Because I come back, always, no matter what you try to do.
(Airy wickedly smiles at his tormented victim, as black tentacles emerge from his body and wrap around Liam.)
Airy: I’m going to kidnap both your old and new friends and force them into my show. And guess what? You can’t do a damn thing about it.
Liam Plekak: No… NO… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Theodore Roosevelt: Liam! WAKE UP!
(Liam is suddenly slapped awake. When he comes to, he sees Theodore standing over him and his other teammates nearby. He appears to be on the shore.)
Liam Plekak: What… happened?
Theodore Roosevelt: Well you see, when the boat broke, I dived heroically into the water and got you out! You seemed to have suffered from a panic attack induced by asphyxiation…
Lunala: Also, we, like, lost the challenge.
Liam Plekak: We… what?
(Cut to Sans, who has pulled a fox lady in a robe out of the water.)
Ceroba (Undertale Yellow)
Recommended by Success
Ceroba: Let - me - go - you - skinless -
Sans: sorry madam, but i’m just gonna keep you right here.
(Cut back to the Green Gang. Liam is speechless.)
SCP-999: …ARE YOU OKAY? 😢
Liam Plekak: No. No I am not.
(Roosevelt, Lunala, Test Tube and the Tickle Monster then surround and hug Liam.)
Test Tube: Don’t you worry, we’re here for you.
Liam Plekak: …Thanks, you guys…
(...)
(Cut to Certaminis and Izuru, who have been watching the entire thing.)
Certaminis: …Wow.
Izuru Kamukura: That’s all you have to say? A mere “wow”?
Certaminis: Hey, at least I didn’t do a Marvel quip!
Izuru Kamukura: I suppose “wow” is less bad than “well that just happened”...
Certaminis: I digress. Anyways, viewers! Vote for one of the members of the Green Gang be eliminated! You know the drill, see you later!!
(A man walks through a nearby forest, clearly looking for someone.)
Romano (Hetalia)
Recommended by Nickel
Romano: Italy, where the hell are you??
(He sees a sign saying “YOU’RE LOST :D”, featuring a bald man.)
Gru (Despicable Me)
Recommended by My Name Jeff
Romano: Dammit, this is what I get for not bringing a flashlight…
(Meanwhile, Certaminis is chilling while using his Reality Gaming PC.)
Certaminis: Man, why are all the major CECU shows getting rid of viewer voting? I get that it gives the writers more control, but I feel like it removes the key elements that make these shows unique…
(Certaminis then feels a burning pain in his hands.)
Certaminis: What the hell???
(Certaminis then checks a notification that has appeared on his computer. It notifies him that the events of Crossover Conquest 8 and 9 are currently being rewritten, disrupting the fabric and flow of time.)
Certaminis: Well sh*t, that can’t be good…
(Some flames then appear from Certaminis’s hands, likely caused by his anger over Crossover Conquest pulling a fast one over him.)
Certaminis: Oh cool, I have pyrokinesis abilities now!
Certaminis: Wait, this is probably part of my Curse of Wrath…
Certaminis: …Goddammit.
